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Sneha and Chathurved, a couple who are so much is in love, talks about initial impulse that tied them together in life, their realization about the decision to spend the rest of their life with each other and the secret to keep their relationship alive and well. Let’s listen to what they have to say:
Sneha and Chathurved, Let’s put our feet up and relax, You’re in love and happily married. Tell us, How did the love find you?
Chathurved: “It was the year 2015. I found Sneha through facebook. We both were in Chennai. I think she was in Vadapalani.. maybe Valasaravakam.. no, maybe it’s Virugambakam.” said frantically with a snicker. I was one of those millennial kid who took the slow road to love. I think I sent her a friend request but she didn’t accept it right away.
Sneha: No, He didn’t send the request first. He just poked..C: Oh yea, I kept poking. We had a few mutual friends that’s why I used the poke feature more often than not and made her accept my friend request. And then, We began to break the ice. We started chating.
S: Yea, he really knew his grounds. He didn’t nag me incessantly to chat with him just because he had to. I felt comfortable with him. He was good to talk to.
C: Yea, I was trying to be unpretentious as much as possible. I was just happy to have the chance to talk to her. I didn’t want to get ahead of myself.
When did you first meet each other?
S: Yes, We didn’t become friends right away. To put it correctly, He started to become my friend while I was just getting to know him. We kept conversing over months. And in Jan 2016, We exchanged our contact details. I remember we met on 8th Feb on the City Center roof top. We really didn’t have any agenda planned for the day. We just met.
C: Yea, We decided to meet at the roof top of City Center as I didn’t want waste the little time on any movies. I really wanted to get to know her. Also, She was very pretty in her photographs. I thought I would want to meet her once in person.” said with his tongue in cheek
S: “Oh, That’s the worst explanation one could give.” said while pretending to be angry. But that meeting really seemed romantic. It was on an open terrance facing the beach. It was lovely. He bought me a pair of Jimikkis (Pretty earrings that’s in the shape of inversed dome) as a gift in the first meet. But I haven’t used it till this day” said it mockingly.
C: “Yea, You must have accepted to meet me just to get me out of your hair” said humourously.
S: I don’t hesitate to meet people who I befriend online. I usually do that and I told him the same. But he was not like any usual person who I just met anyday. He seemed really a lovable person. He knew his boundaries.So, Sneha, Did you gift him back too?S: I didn’t gift him anything.
C: She would probably tell that her presence was itself a gift to me.What did you two feel when you first meet?
C: She was doing her CA classes. So, I didn’t want to disturb her studies too and didn’t demand her presence more often. I graduated my Bachelors in Commerce and did MBA. I was working then. She didn’t have her whataspp then as she was preparing for her exams. She would come online on facebook once in a blue moon. And I would be waiting for her there eagerly to chat with her. We would talk for few minutes and that would make my day.
S: Yes, he was practising his game and he had to get his sleep on time too. So, We don’t spend all night chatting with each other. We don’t put our life on hold to chat with each other. We both needed to get the time for ourselves and we would talk. We weren’t demanding each other to offer more than what one could give.
C: Yea, the thing is, If I keep initiating the chat, I would probably irritate her at some point. She talked to me on her own and I would reserve a special place in her life. That’s kind of a strategy.
S: He went to Mumbai then. He sent me a long message, confessing his love on Feb 16th, 2016. I still hold it dear to my heart. We re-read it more often too. It’s the anniversary of the most important day in our life. I would feel the same way, the same rush everytime I read his proposal message. It feels really good. I couldn’t find the exact words to define the feelings. But I love the way how I feel, how we feel for each other. He was outright with his intentions since the first day. He was direct about his interests towards me since the beginning.
C: I did a lot of homework to come up with such heartwarming proposal message. I wrote my thoughts down in a document whenever it occured to me and made it as a whole when the time came. A lot of effort went into that message that’s equivalent to the effort that required for one to prepare a resume for a job. I didn’t expect her to answer right away as her exams was going on then.
S: After I was done with my exam, We got a lot of time to talk. It was June 18th. We went for a long drive after a few months on OMR. We shared a lot of details about each other. We were getting to know each other better. And I confessed my interest towards him too. I said yes.
C: “Yes, We were ready to spend the rest of our life with each other. That yes meant a lot to me. For some 2K kids, Saying yes to love is different from saying yes to get married”, said humourously.”We are from the 90’s generation. We are fortunate to have found each other” said with love brimming in their eyes.
S: I told about my love right away to my parents. After sealing the love for each other, He spent his first birthday with me at my home. My parents are really supportive.
C: My parents were a little tough to convince for a while. I got to make them listen to me after trying hard for 3-4 months. I explained what I felt to them and they took their time to think about it and gave me a go. My Parents knew about Sneha too. They liked her.
S: “Yes, My parents were going to look for my alliance and I told them that I have saved them the trouble as I had chosen the man already. That was very simple. My mom was very excited to know it was Chathur and told me that she had guessed already. My dad was watching Baasha and told me that he would join the discussion once he was done with the film.” said with a cheerful hearty laugh. She was beaming with proud for having such a supportive parents by her side.
Chathurved, You are just listening. Tell us about the struggle you went through with your family..
S: It was a bit tough with his family. But he stood strong. He was very steady about his choices and let them know that I was the one. The struggle is inevitable in love. It shouldn’t be feared and getting what we want after the struggle gives a sense of accomplishment. That’s worth it.
What was the biggest struggle that you would say that you faced in your love? Was it the caste difference?
S: Yes, it was. That was what blocking our path. But our parents understood us and didn’t try to impose their ideology on us. It’s all good now. We just celebrated our 3 year engagement anniversary. We have been never better.So Chathurved, Let’s shake up few things. It’s your turn to ask Sneha any question you want. Go..
C: When I proposed my love, When I sent the message, you said you felt good about it. Walk me through your thought process. What were you actually thinking? and Where did you think it was leading to?
S: I had many questions. But I felt that you were sincere. I was cramming for my exams and so I had no time then to process all that. So, I thought to ask you the questions after I was done with my exams in 4-5 months. I would decide based on your answers.
C: “Yea, you tell me more details on that”, said it secretively.Chathur, The details are for the world to know. Come on, share it with us.. You got married in June 2017.
S: Yea, that is a memorable day. How could one forget that?!
What do you think is the secret for a strong relationship?
S: We do fight a lot but Chathur doesn’t hold the anger for a long time. He switches the gear and changes from angry mode to romantice mode instantly. He is not an egoistic person.
C: Yea, There won’t be any solution to find when we look for it in anger. We should be calm and composed towards the people we love. Anger never helps us to find solution.
S: We are friends more than a husband and a wife.
What about your professional life?
S: I am not working. He does.
C: Yea, I am working as an Asst. Manager in Take Solutions. But I’m a professional Cricketer. I play on behalf of Take Solutions too. I got the job because of my game.
S: We couldn’t spend any time together. So, I decided to leave my job. It’s important to spend our time together. His work timings are not the same everyday. So, one of us has to make the sacrifice for ourselves and I did. I think that’s the secret for our keeping our relationship stronger. We are friends first. We don’t keep secrets. We are not controlling of each other. We don’t impose our interests on each other. We don’t adjust or suppress each other’s instincts just to stay in the relationship. Because, one day, it will tire us out. So, I think it is essential to live the life as one pleases.
How do you know she/he is the one with whom you want to spend the rest of your life together?
C: I am not gonna deny that attraction plays the vital role when we first meet a person. I found her beautiful. I found the spark to reach out to her, to pursue her. I felt like she was my destiny. I did try to get to know her, her ideologies, to find common grounds between us.
S: For me, I liked the way how he talked, how he presented himself. I enjoyed it. As I said, he wasn’t egoistic about who he was or his ideologies. He respected me. I was a straightforward person. I pointed out one’s mistake to their face. But he was really considerate about other’s feelings. He didn’t talk back right away. I liked the virtue. He possessed a few virtues that I didn’t have. So I felt like he completed me. I think that was what made me feel he was the one.
What is love according to you?
S: I would like to hear this from Chathur first.
C: No, You go ahead.
S: Why? Do you wanna copy my answer? not a chance.. You go first.. Fine. I’ll go. According to me, Love is something that shouldn’t make one to change his/her likes and dislikes just for the sake to be in a relationship. The people, who think they are in love should, embrace each other as they are. One’s ideology belongs to that person and that shouldn’t be changed just to find a common ground between each other. One should not change each other or change themselves for each other. I think that’s love. And I think love shouldn’t be imposed on the people. One have all the right to express it but the reciprocation has to come from the within. It should be unconditional. They should embrace each other as they are. I think that awareness is must.
C: I second what Sneha says. I also think that people who are in love enjoy the good parts in their life together. I think they should be available for each other at the bad parts too. To be there to support each other for what they go through in their life. I feel she is the one with whom I want to share my happiness and my sorrow.
What is the advice you would like to give to the people who are in love?
S: We are not that wise. But It is necessary not to stress each other and, to repeat what I said, to embrace each other as they are.
C: Taking turns to prove each other that we think they are important is also necessary. We are gonna be any less of ourselves if we sacrifice a little for the people who we love. That will smooth the things always. That’s really a great symptom for a healthy relationship.
S: Yes, I really got the whole package here. It is important to realize the reality that it would not be the same like the days you are in love once you got married. It would be very different and the roles and responsibility are added more. One should be matured enough to handle all the hurdles the life throws at us. You have to see each other all day.
C: Yea, you can’t complain that you weren’t like how you were back in the day when we were in love. It is inevitable but we should be able to handle as life prepares us for the further. But one shouldn’t take each other for granted too.
S: Yes, that tends to happen a lot. We take our partners for granted a lot. We tend to do it with our father, mother, siblings too. But it shouldn’t be that way. We should be considerate of each other’s feelings. This is what causes the break between the two souls. We should not be controlling each other. We can’t be the same way like how we were in the good old days before we get married. So, it will indeed get boring but we should embrace all the boring parts too. That will agitate us sometimes and make us want to fight and throw a fit. But Realizing the reality, understanding each other and not demanding more than what each other could offer help to find our way in life. Husbands should their wifes with their household chores. Sharing the chores make the bond the stronger. Chathur does that. He understands that there is no work that’s only belongs to the woman of house or man of the house. I think that’s essential in keeping a relationship alive.
They happily ends the chat with so much love brimming in their eyes.
As told to Anjali Raga Jammy
Lakshmi is a scribbler by night who wants to experience all sorts of emotions the silver screen offers for once and pens them down to reflect upon them time and again. She also finds talking about herself in third person amusing as it lets her conscience to think that she actually believes in herself.