Friends in different phases of life

It’s been a while since I met my friend who is married recently. After innumerable failed plans, we finally met a few days back.

We planned to meet at the restaurant, our favourite one at 6 PM, and she came along with her Husband’s sister. It did make me feel awkward. We sat on the same left side table where we shared so many memories. I was the one who booked the table thinking that it would bring back some good old memories to her as well but to my shock, she couldn’t even guess the place, and We ended up having one of the worst conversations ever which I never thought would happen. We used to be super close and the marriage did change her mindset I felt.

After meeting her, I ran into one of my family friends who is doing her high school, and she wanted to offer me a coffee. I joined her and three other friends of her, and there I was- the odd one out- as these kids were talking about the teenage topics which only made me laugh. I felt outdated as well. These kids knew so many things about men and other stuff which I don’t understand even at this age. My teenage was always about matches and the movie stars. Blame my school, it needed a lot of courage to go and talk to a guy those days.

With super awkward experiences, I returned home only to find the same friend talk about the same thing, like how she felt so outdated and meeting me made her think how her life has changed after marriage. She used to be this carefree bubble, but now the marriage has changed her life upside down.

Her message read-

“My husband and I began double-dating and found that the conversation and laughs flowed more freely when we socialized with others in the same boat. We’d discuss the differences of marriage and laugh over the fact that another romantically linked duo argued over the same things we did. And when I branched off and palled around one-on-one with married female friends, we just seemed to be in sync. It was like I had found my people. But I still missed my single girlfriends, especially you, and continued to do my best to stay in touch with them.

One of my dearest friends in the world, you know who has completely disappeared from my life after popping out a little one, and no matter how hard I try to even swing by her home to hang out with her and her child, she seems to be too busy for me. When I tried to politely approach the subject with her the other day, I was met with a “You are not a mom yet. You don’t understand.” Ouch!

Being married put me in a very different place of life than my nonmarried friends, but I did my best to hold onto those friendships but most of the conversations with end with the sentence- You’re married. You don’t get it.

After starring at the messages for a long time, I promised her to catch up once again especially to understand each other’s mindset and make time for all her rants every now and then even if I don’t understand.

From this, I understood how important it is to make friends who are exactly in the same phase of life, with whom you can relate each and everything but that doesn’t mean you must leave your old friends. I mean, who else will understand all the inside jokes I say better than my old friends?